


The fireflies fly away (and I can’t help but stay)

by oOmackybOo



Series: Moomin Oneshots [6]
Category: Moomin (Anime 1969), Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Angst, But they still love each other, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda?, M/M, Minor Mumintroll | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin, Panic Attacks, Snusmumriken | Snufkin Has Paws and a Tail, can be read platonically, its fluffy at the end i promise, it’s there for a short second, not me reflecting onto fictional characters again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:56:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29970840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oOmackybOo/pseuds/oOmackybOo
Summary: “You’d think after growing up on your own, getting used to people leaving it wouldn’t hurt.” Snufkin let out a small chuckle, his voice wavered and low. “But with you it was always so different. I could never bring myself to leave, and it’s just so instinctual not to stay.”___________or,Snufkin notices how he hurts those around him by leaving each Winter and tries to push these people away. Moomin of course is having none of it.
Relationships: Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin
Series: Moomin Oneshots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1333042
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	The fireflies fly away (and I can’t help but stay)

**Author's Note:**

> me writing a moomin fanfic for the first time in forever. 
> 
> the two multichapter moomin stories i haven’t updated since 2019 🧍🏻
> 
> anyways i’ve been in a mood and really needed to reflect it somewhere so what better way than pushing my emotions on another one shot! 
> 
> please enjoy and lemme know how it is for i did not proof read or edit yet [:

Frigid air nipped at the back of the vagabonds neck, and whistled past his ears. The trees creaking branches scratching into the others bark, and the leaves fell ever so slowly onto the ground. His chocolate eyes grazed over to the nearby house across the brook, the azure wooden planks bright despite the darkening sky. There he could see it’s residents frolicking about, laughing and smiles wide. He tugged his coat closer to his skin, releasing a long breath out his nose. 

Lazily he watched them, carefully gazing at their movements. They pranced and played as if they had not a stress in the world, as if the gods above them hadn’t been so cruel to the children which they created. Thoughts of such carelessness always crossed his mind, and while he did his best not to ponder on bigger matters, the human mind can’t help but worry over the littlest of things. His fears and anxiety’s trickled at his skin, and pledged his daytime naps with pointless worries. 

Recently it seemed his friends by the house hadn’t been paying him any mind, keeping him in the back of their heads for when they got bored and were in need of an adventure. He of course has always been willing to provide, but while they all had diverse interests and qualities, the boy had only been there for their entertainment. 

However, just like any Mumrik would, he gently pulled his hat below his eyes and slid down more into the softened grass below. He cast off any worries and had the full intention to sleep the day away. Fall had just began yet it seemed to come faster than normal. The previous seasons were filled with marvelous adventures and positive moods. He had friends unlike ever before, and appreciated the feeling of being wanted. 

Typical. 

Never had he felt such joyous emotions, and never had he felt like he belonged so much in a place like Moominvalley. Yet the same feeling of loneliness tugged at his heart, and his sense of belonging had been dissolving as the days swept by. It was something that never escaped him, no matter how happy he was. The notions of fear would follow him like a shadow in the daylight. 

As the years go on and the souls grow older, Snufkin can’t help but realize how lonely the world around him is becoming. When he left last fall, the colors of the leaves trailing behind him, everything seemed ever so perfect. The fondness that grew between his Moomintroll and him made leaving especially hard, yet it made him much more excited to return once the winters snow melted. Oh how wonderful the seasons were, and for once all had seemed perfect.

Around him was such a loving family, and friends he’d go through lengths to protect. He’d yearn for their adventures once he woke up at mornings light to, and was actually excited to create stories to tell about for the years to come. Everyday he and his friends would go around causing so much mischief and chaos, and spending their nights joking about. 

It was then he found himself staying longer than he had ever before. The first snowfall came much earlier than expected, and Moominmamma insisted he stay in their spare room rather than staying out by the brook. Hesitantly he agreed, and hesitant he should have stayed for he grew more close to the family than he ever wanted. 

So when the time came for him to leave, he noticed everyone’s long faces ever more, especially on Moomin’s. Had those reactions always been so oblivious to him before? Nonetheless once the snow had a break, and the sun warmed the ground enough for it to melt, he parted ways with the trolls like he’d done every Winter before. 

Then, to make matters worse, the snow snuck into spring as if to mock him.

Granted, he took a shortcut through the mountains, and into the volcanoes active rumbling. There he found the fire spirit, and opted to take it home since he was already late as it was. And on his way squinting through the dense fogs, is where he bumped into his Moominvalley squad sooner than he expected. 

That’s when he first noticed it, and it was hard not to. The way Moomintroll’s eyes held bitterness, and how his lips pressed into a thin line of tension. Snufkin knew the troll was mad at the possibility of losing his house, but with himself being a vagabond nearly his entire life, it was hard for him to understand completely. 

Then when Snufkin mentioned returning the fire spirit back into the volcano, he couldn’t help but take notice to the way Moomin scoffed a tad, the way the troll seemed talk about how the Mumrik just had to return the thing back to its home. Then it was just the harsh comments from here and there about it. 

In the end, the Moomin’s home wasn’t destroyed, and the fire spirit fell into the ocean with acceptance of its fait, and Snufkin couldn’t stop the tears that fell from his eyes. His paws wiped at his eyes and Moomin comforted him from the side. What he didn’t know however, was if he was crying at the loss of his former companion, or the obvious changes that must’ve happened while he was away. 

So that’s where he found himself, hiding away from everyone more than he had ever before, doing his own thing and focusing on himself, much like he did before he’d ever arrived at Moominvalley. While around him, everyone else seemed to neglect he was there, and they focused on the more important things around them. 

He supposed it was all apart in growing up, and that their childish ways couldn’t stay forever. While the mumrik was forced to grow and mature at such a young age, he’d always admired the way Moomintroll went about with hardly a care in the world. He was the reason Snufkin continued coming back to the valley in the first place. 

A deep sigh escaped his lips and he leaned on the rock his back was upon. The clouds loomed dark above him, mocking his glum mood. He scowled and took the weed he was currently chewing on out of his mouth. 

It would be about the time Moomin would be out to bug him, and Little My asking what adventure they were to have today. No doubt Sniff and Snorkmaiden trailing along, not wanting to be left out in anyway. Then together they all would find something to entertain each other with as hours passed by. 

Quickly he shook away the thoughts, and heard shuffling heading his way. Grass and twigs crushed near him, then the flaps of birds wings escaping sounded closer. A faked grin pulled on his lips, and he glanced slightly to his right where the presence lingered. 

“Good day, my dear Moomintroll.” The words fell out of his mouth, smoothly as they ever had before. 

“Hi Snufkin.” Moomin gently replied, a soft smile on his face. The troll took a seat in front of the boy, crossing his legs and circling grass in his fingers. Silence fell afterwards but Snufkin wasn’t complaining, for sometimes the silence in the world can hold more emotion than a thousand words. It was much more relaxing to the mumrik than a full conversation would be. Too much talking was irritating to the mind, and thankfully that was something Moomintroll caught onto early in their friendship. 

Yet for whatever reason, this silence became for suffocating than peaceful to Snufkin than he had hoped. The atmosphere was shifting and the air was tense around the two boys. Snufkin peered over towards the troll and saw his body shifted away from him, his eyes cast downwards while he plucked some of the pedals off a lone dandelion. His head tilted at Moomin, and he scooted back up into a sitting position. 

“Is something wrong?”

“It’s been quite cold recently, don’t you think?”

“Yes, so it has. But the season is still young.” Snufkin reassured. Moomin stared back, his lips frowning and he crossed his arms as a chill bit him. The mumrik had his head casted up towards the sky, eyes following the bumblebees swarming above. 

“Do you think you’ll leave sooner than normal?” Moomin asked, causing Snufkin to stop his breath. Of course that had been why the troll had come over, leaving his other friends by the house. He wasn’t interested in the vagabond until he realized that his summer fun could very well be coming to an end soon. Or maybe Moomin was eager to rid himself of Snufkin’s presence. 

Obviously, there was no way that was the actual reason, and Snufkin was just over exaggerating. Moomintroll was always clingy, and most definitely appreciated the vagabonds company. When the last cold breeze blew and the flowers began to bloom, Snufkin would always count on his dearest friend to be waiting for him at Spring’s grace. Yet as always anxiety crept into the mumrik’s mind, tearing away any positive thoughts and reflections. 

He’d been left before, natural since he was very closed off to those around him, fearful of the idea of being parted with yet again. Growing up without a father, his mother paid him no mind, his siblings giving more chaos than comfort. Sometimes being left alone would save him the pain of being dropped for the next best thing. While those around him currently seemed to care greatly for his well being, happiness was something Snufkin found to be temporary. 

“Snuf?” His ears rang, and he took in a sharp inhale. 

“Moomintroll.” He idly responded, gaze meeting the sky blue orbs on his friends face.

“You’re being quiet.” Moomin’s voice called out in nothing above a whisper. A smile tugged at Snufkin’s mouth, his eyes tracing Moomin’s fingers as they played with the lang below them. 

“I’ve just been appreciating the sounds of nature. They’re quiet lively even this time of year.” Moomintroll merely hummed in response, his shoulders sulking and his eyes low. 

“You never answered my question.”

“I haven’t a response for you.”

“You stayed longer last year.”

“Last year was intentional.” 

“But why does it have to be?” Moomin snapped, pushing himself off the ground and glaring at the boy below him. “I am so sick and tired of you always leaving.”

“I don’t have to stay here Moomin I-“

“Save it.” Moomin cut Snufkin off, throwing his hands to his head in annoyance. “I try so hard to show you that we care and that we’re here for you, that you don’t need to look for anywhere because we’re here.”

“Why are you so angry? Me leaving has nothing to do with that.”

“Then what is it for?” The troll hissed, expression full of venom. Snufkin’s breath caught in his throat, unable to fathom the interaction currently taking place. 

“I’m..” He hesitated, long since abandoning his spot in the ground to favor standing slightly behind his friend. “I’m not sure I can’t.....explain it?” The words came out unsure, unexpected of someone who had everything together. 

The wind nipped at his cheeks once more, stinging his eyes. If anyone asked that would be his excuse for their wetness, the reason tears seemed to fall with no reason. He let the wind bite his skin, he let the tears well up in his eyes. Moomin stated facing away, his shoulders heaving from the argument. 

“I don’t care anymore. Do what you want I can’t care anymore.” 

“Moomin please-“

“Goodbye Snufkin, I hope winter serves you well.”

Breathe. He couldn’t breathe, why couldn’t he breathe. Moomin walked away and his everything went numb, his face, his legs, his heart. Snufkin’s chest ached and words wouldn’t form like he so wanted them to. The mumrik brought his hands up to his mouth, so desperately trying to conceal the sob he felt crawling it’s way up. 

He failed, of course he failed. 

He saw Moomin’s body stiffen in his walk, pausing at the very sound he’d released. Snufkin’s body slowly lowered to the ground, staying silent, shaking as he hid his face in his knees. Snufkin didn’t cry, he never cried between the two of them he’d always been the one who remained strong. 

“Snuf-“ Snufkin flinched at Moomin’s voice, head looking up at his friend. His eyes were red and watery and his body shaking, ever so out of character for the young boy, it looked unrealistic and so out of character. Snufkin gave a faltering smile, and Moomin returned it with a frown. 

“I-“ The boy started looking to the side, one arm wrapped around his knees while the other desperately grasped at the grass below him. “I was always so...so scared. Scared of getting too connected to people.” Moomin eyed him cautiously, not straying from his frozen spot. 

“You’d think after growing up on your own, getting used to people leaving it wouldn’t hurt.” Snufkin let out a small chuckle, his voice wavered and low. “But with you it was always so different. I could never bring myself to leave, and it’s just so instinctual not to stay.” 

“So rather than leaving on my own, leaving and being the reason I break your heart as another season ached by, I distanced myself to show you I’m not as great as you think I am.”

“Snuf, you don’t need,”

“And I know, I know just how much you all, how much you miss me every winter and I know that it hurts when I leave,”

“Snufkin please-“

“But I don’t want you to hurt and I think the only way that happens is if you hate me instead because-“

“Snusmumriken.” Moomin yelled sharply, rushing over and taking Snufkin’s paws into his own. Blue eyes gazed into soft chocolate ones, and Moomin brought a paw to the mumrik’s cheek. Snufkin blinked tears out of his eyes and took a heavy breath. 

“Moomintroll.” He said gently, bringing his paw to meet Moomin’s on his cheek. The two stood there in silence, Moomin letting Snufkin regain his thoughts, letting the tension between the two settle before daring to speak another word. The boy took a deep inhale and casted his eyes away from the snowy colored troll. Thumbs caressing the others palms and of all things, he chuckled. 

“That was...I’m sorry.” Snufkin apologized, voice just below a whisper. “I’ve been so worried about hurting you I hadn’t realized I was hurting myself in the process.”

“I’m sorry too Snufkin, I was angry and I took it out on you. I know you like to travel and you get so restless even staying still right now I can see it. It’s not my place to be angry at you for that.” 

“Instincts, just as you must sleep the winter away, i’ve got to escape it.” Snufkin mentioned, his eyes looking behind the troll, gazing upon the flowing brook that shined by the setting sun. “I was always different in that way, but i’ve realized something.” 

“What is that?”

“Before I reached Moominvalley, it was never a matter on how fast I’d return to one place, but how long i could stay away. Now however, while I’m gone in the winters I so carefully plan out my every movement so when the last flake of snow falls and the first bloom of a flower rises, I’ll be mere hours away from reuniting with you.” Red dusted the vagabond’s cheeks, Moomin’s face crimson to match. 

Snufkin, after realizing the moment of vulnerability he’d placed between the two, released his hands from Moomin’s grasp and stepped backwards. Moomintroll giggled absentmindedly at the embarrassing act, and the mumrik simply swished his tail back and forth flustered. 

“Snufkin.”

“Moomintroll.”

“I’m sorry I got mad at you.”

“I am sorry I’ve made you mad. Surely there’s a way to make up for it.” Snufkin stated. 

“What could ever make up for it?”

Snufkin hummed in response and a smile pulled at his lips. He once more took the trolls paw and gave him a smirked. “I have been thinking on and off, and since my first plan of making you hate me was rather unsuccessful.” Moomin rolled his eyes at this. “I’ve come up with another plan.”

“Oh?” Moomintroll pressed, eager to hear the response. 

And as the day grew old and the starts began to give birth to the night, the fireflies dancing about and the frogs croaking their songs glee, echoing about the streams, the vagabond grinned. 

“I think I may spend the winter in Moominvalley.”

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on tumblr maybe i’ll start writing again @0mackyb
> 
> also set this up where it could possibly have another part but i guess we will see i dunno if the moomin fandom is dead.


End file.
